I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
