You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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