this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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