dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
