If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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