do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
