cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
A bitchslap is in order.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
