i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
