google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
