I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
