If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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