All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
