It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
