This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
