Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She announced her abortion via fbk
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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