i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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