lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
