Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
