Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
