i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
