Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
