i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
