You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
