I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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