I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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