Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
