Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
