The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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