I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
