We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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