Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
