tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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