I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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