I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
