idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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