Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
