so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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