he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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