Welp...herpes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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