me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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