You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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