I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
