mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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