My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
