That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
