That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
