She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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