Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
