i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
