I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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