Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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