Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
