i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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