i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
