I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
as a side note pls kill me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
